Stuck
I read somewhere that writing about you might draw us closer. That maybe if I clothe you with language, you'll become more visible. But that makes me nervous because it causes such intense feelings to rise up that I can barely breathe. HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS?! When I imagine talking to you, I cry. So I can only write to you at certain times. But I know you're okay with that. Our relationship has changed and I'm trying to figure it out. The trauma from "that day" is starting to heal. The images burned into my mind can now be tucked away for when I choose to remember. For four years, I knew you would die. And that overshadowed everything else. I had to make sure we spent quality time together, that I took pictures of you, that I comforted you. I didn't want you to be scared. That was all I could think about. You're scared. After your surgery, Dad and I waited in a small room. I prayed Dr. Lucybeth got it all. She had t...